Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
