You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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