If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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