dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
