:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
