Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
