Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My balls are so social today.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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