My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
