Just mADE A PArabola og urine
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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