Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
