So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
