I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
