a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
