the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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