he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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