I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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