make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
