...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
