last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
