How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
