haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
