I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Two words: blizzard sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
