can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will pee on everything he values.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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