Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
