Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
