This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
