the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
