you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
