Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
