he wants to bone in the snuggie
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
handjob tips. give me some.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
