I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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