i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
