I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
