May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
