Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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