Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
