Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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