Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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