I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
