I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
