I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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