I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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