I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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