Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
