I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
