so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
