I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
