Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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