She went from zero to smokin in five shots
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
