Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
